Tuesday madness

I find myself without any inspiration two weeks in a row, so I am going
to write about contrasts (which is today’s prompt at writing101),
but I am not going to write is as a dialogue. In fact I am
just going to let my thoughts flow.

A few weeks ago I was in an awful place, depressed, sad and empty. And that state of mind has been with me half a year. People say that the saddest thing is when someone gets used to something unpleasant and that is exactly what I did. I accepted that I cannot feel happiness and that every day I go through is a struggle because I don’t want to be here. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. But last week something changed. I have no idea what but I have been feeling better and happy for more than a week now which I consider weird. You see, now I am scared that this is just a calm before a storm, that something bigger, worse is waiting for me. I am actually scared of being happy now, and I am used to sadness.
Is not that I am just happy, my friends have been noticing my cheerfulness and how actually happy I look. I guess right now I just have to get used to being happy and forget about pain, because it is inevitable.

SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)


6 thoughts on “Tuesday madness

  1. Your post reminds me of what I think a lot of people who suffer from anxiety issues would say, which is that worrying about worrying is almost worse than the thought of why you might be worried about itself. Plus, you get so used to being the person that you are with the negativity that it can be quite disconcerting and strange trying to figure out who you are without that looming over you and making decisions for you. My suggestion is to try your best to accept it and go with the flow. Don’t judge yourself too much or spend too much time trying to decide if you are happy or not right now. Just be what you are and try to live in the moment. Make the most of your happiness and share it with others. πŸ™‚ Good luck! And thank you for the thought provoking post.

    Liked by 1 person

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