Walking toward a night club has never really been something that excited me. I wasn’t excited for it now, but I could feel something coming, the air was weird and the crowd was out of control. Crossing the road in a black dress, cars passing by, music blasting – my anxiety raised.
We came in a half-full club and I thought of how much I don’t belong here. Bodies dancing around me, heat filling the thick air, the scent of alcohol everywhere. Soon I began to calm down and moving to the beats as though I know all the songs. I don’t know what happened but he was there beside me for some reason, always close to me and I wasn’t sure why (I am still not sure). He is not that he that you are thinking off. He is, well I don’t know really what he is to me or what I am to him, but I can try to explain what he is not. He is not a lover, not a friend, not a crush, not an acquaintance. And what am I to him? A lot of people say a lot of things.
At some point we were so close that I can feel his breath on my lips, his hands around my waist, on my shoulders, his lips whispering nonsense in my ear. He stops and looks at me in a way that puzzled me. It wasn’t sexual, but it also wasn’t all that innocent. We are standing still, crowd is moving, music is loud but I can hear my heart pounding because I don’t know what to do. Should I stop him and whatever he is doing or should I wait to see what is going on?
Suddenly I realize that I don’t want this, at least not this way. Guilt in my eyes didn’t show because I looked up and smiled. After that I turned around. The rest of the night I spent laughing and talking with him – my friend.
SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)