Messy thoughts

In what do trust?

Some people trust in God, some in their queen/king or whoever. Others trust in science, truth and facts. Some, on other hand, do not trust in anything or anyone. Were they born like that or were they burned enough times to know better than to trust? And were the people who trust in something born like that or is it just luck that they were able to live a good life or that they are more patient and prone to repeat the same thing expecting a better outcome.

As a guarded person, trust was always a very hard thing to me, which of course affected and still affects all my relationships. Personally, I find it very tough to trust in people, because they (or better said;  we) lie, cheat, make mistakes and usually look for something they (we) will benefit from.

Still, there is one big problem when it comes to not trusting. Is there love without trust, I wondered quite a lot. I came to a conclusion that love is a complicated emotion, it is a potion made of many different ingredients, trust is just one of them.

For me falling in love for the first time, really and fully was an adventure. It meant to let myself trust the person that I love, let myself be vulnerable and let myself be hurt. Now, imagine jumping over a huge hole that is so deep that you cannot see the end of it, nothing but just black void. Falling in love and trusting for me is like doing just that. Only blindfolded. Falling in love with you showed me how brave I really am and gave me an opportunity to learn you need to trust yourself first then give that trust to people around you that deserved it the most.

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