Sometimes we get bored off all those beautiful moments we have in our life often, but this sunset could not be ignored by anyone.
(UNEDITED PHOTOS, 30.08.2017.)
Every once in a while I get this insane idea to write a Carrie Bradshaw like post. Even though I am kind of a lifestyle blogger, relationships and sex were never my forte, actually, those topics were delicately avoided in my posts over last few years. Since I am starting a process of getting out of my comfort zone and trying new things for myself I thought this post could be a good first step on that road when it comes to my career in writing.
Carrie always puts her and her friend’s experiences in her posts so I am going to try to broadly do just that. We already talked about how this summer turned out to have a bit more serious note by me terminating a relationship to be in a better place of mind and we also talked about the importance of healthy selfishness when it comes to your own happiness and mental health in general. Now we are going to talk about making yourself happy in other ways.
Since I have terminated that relationship a few things happened along the way that brought me to the door of opening a new relationship fairly soon to ending of the first one. Of course, me being a crazy over-thinker and all-blames-on-me person, I got a bit puzzled by what my next move should be. I was at a huge crossroad that was problematic for numerous reasons. I knew how it would look and I didn’t want it to look like I left one person for another because I really didn’t. Also, I didn’t want to lose a chance for something that could be so good and so perfect because of a tricky timing that was only tricky because I felt like I was being promiscuous for something that just isn’t like that. What I was afraid of was that other people would think that I am cold and quite simply a bitch. And somewhere along the line of me over thinking that little voice popped into my mind.
Is this making you happy? – An easy question isn’t it.
Yes! – Even easier answer.
Then why are you feeling guilty for wanting to be happy? Isn’t everybody’s aspiration in life to BE HAPPY?! At that point, I decided to let the moment decide for me and not to limit myself to anything. If it’s bound to happen it will! And it did. It really was a moment. A pure moment in which I thought to myself Yeah, this is it, this is right… For what it takes, I do feel a little guilty still, but not for making the decisions that I made because I still stand by them.
On a slightly different note now. This summer is a really fast summer. A lot of things happened in a short period of time. I can see my friends trying to find themselves, exploring what life has to offer and being open to new experiences just as I am. And nothing makes me happier than that. We are truly growing up and having fun doing so, finally. Mistakes were made, but who cares really? Rules are to be broken and mistakes are to be made. We are here to find and create ourselves, and to have fun by fucking up ( something that I and my friends were reminded recently).
Nothing should be taken too seriously especially when we talk about sex and relationships in your early days. Nobody really expects you to have your life together, so you shouldn’t either. It is not a crime to enjoy yourself, however, you might want (of course if you aren’t hurting others in a way that is legally considered a crime 😆 ). And also it’s summer, what is better than being young in summer? A lot of things, but it’s still too awesome of an opportunity not to take it while you still can!
Maybe you read this tittle and thought to yourself what the hell is she talking about. Or maybe a single thought hasn’t popped up in your mind, but either way you are reading my newest post in which I am mostly going to talk about myself and some changes I have been facing last few months. It really is weird seeing yourself change as it happens right in front of your eyes.
If you knew me you would know that I am always trying to help others and most of the time at my own expense. I like helping, don’t get me wrong but it takes so much energy from me that it makes sense why I am a hard introvert that needs to charge batteries by spending some quality time alone. Also, there are so many people who take advantage on me being myself and just let me do all of their work for them because they know I will. For past month or so, I started to see myself the toll this way of living put on me and slowly I began tearing from inside without anyone else noticing. What really got me was that the people closest to me didn’t notice my suggestive cry for help because they were so into their own problems which made mine invisible.
At that point I realized I had too many toxic relations with people who always seem to run short when it comes to me but I always put them before me. For my own good and for theirs I started a painful process of removing all of the toxicity and finally after so many years of my life I began walking a new path. A path led by healthy selfishness, I began pushing myself to put myself on a higher priority list if I cannot put myself first. After a short period of time I felt the difference this made in my life. I felt healthier, happier and more relaxed just by spending more time incorporating helping myself into my own life.
I don’t know if anyone will relate to this, but I never really wrote posts to be relatable did I? I wrote this to leave a piece of my soul here and to hopefully make people think or help them, so I sincerely hope you enjoyed this quick read I presented you today.
It has been 2 months since my last post, I don’t think it has ever been that long without a post since I started this blog and I just got a message that today is the 3rd anniversary of me creating it. Well, I really do have some explaining to do but I am not going to go into great details.
I feel like no matter how long have you been with me or with my blog I owe an explanation, even though I do not really think anyone really cares. Past 2 months have really been full with so much stress and loosing and finding my spirit on and on. I cannot explain things without context and I cannot give context because it is about my personal life (a bit too personal). Now let’s talk about stuff I can talk about.
First stressor I have encountered was me trying to enroll into a college. It really was a rocky road, but now when I look back at it there was no place for panicking or even being stressed about but stress is in my blood. Since I decided to stay in Croatia to continue my education I had no idea what to go for because I thought there was no way I could do what I wanted here. But as it turns out I can, and even though I wasn’t really happy with the college I got in at first now I know it is actually just the thing I wanted for as long as I can remember. This fall I am an official student of anthropology and Italian studies.
Other news, my work is both stressful and stress relieving in a way. I also kind of lost an important person in my life, maybe lost isn’t a good description of the situation but will go with it. The good thing is that I am trying to get out of it all stronger. I am learning to put myself first or at least on a bit more important place than I am now. I am hopelessly trying to save myself and it might look like I am running away from everything I am dealing with the devil in me the best way I know and I can. This whole situation left me more anxious than ever and I am having, again, at least one panic attack a week and my head is so messed up that I cannot even decide what to eat and especially write something worth reading.
That is all I have to say right now. I have no idea when the next post will be but I will think about doing some photography posts to start up again. Goodbye, I’ll hopefully see you in my next post!