What about pain?

Does the best art come from the worst pain?

If my mind is clearer than tell me,
why do these letters feel heavier to write?

I am thinking more rationally, aren’t I? 
Then why to I despise everything I write?

If love describes my life, 
why does fear reek from my art? 

Tell me why do I feel incompetent
without my pain, my crazy?

How can it define me, 
how can it be this visible?

Am I me without pain?

Am I an artist, a writer? 
Without pain! 

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Email: medicmagdalena@gmail.com

 

Cliff

There is a cliff. One that I walk by everyday. It is so near where I live and I usually pass by it with my little dog right beside me.

There is a cliff. One that is very high. It gives a spectacular view on the sea that I learned to cherish as a child.

There is that cliff. One that always stood there, since I remember. It didn’t change but I did.

There is that one cliff. That one which, when I walk by it, shows me how well I deal with my life.

You see on some days I childishly admire the view and on others I admire the fall.

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Email: medicmagdalena@gmail.com

Tuesday madness

I find myself without any inspiration two weeks in a row, so I am going
to write about contrasts (which is today’s prompt at writing101),
but I am not going to write is as a dialogue. In fact I am
just going to let my thoughts flow.


A few weeks ago I was in an awful place, depressed, sad and empty. And that state of mind has been with me half a year. People say that the saddest thing is when someone gets used to something unpleasant and that is exactly what I did. I accepted that I cannot feel happiness and that every day I go through is a struggle because I don’t want to be here. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. But last week something changed. I have no idea what but I have been feeling better and happy for more than a week now which I consider weird. You see, now I am scared that this is just a calm before a storm, that something bigger, worse is waiting for me. I am actually scared of being happy now, and I am used to sadness.
Is not that I am just happy, my friends have been noticing my cheerfulness and how actually happy I look. I guess right now I just have to get used to being happy and forget about pain, because it is inevitable.


SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)

Writing101: A Room With A View

My heart was beating, my body was shaking. I had this unknown feeling in my bones that made me tremble. Looking outside the window in the dark atmosphere made me nervous, for the first time ever. I turn my head away from the window to face familiar people with unfamiliar expressions on their faces. Sitting there in a small room,  on the white leather couch that looked down onto an ivory coffee table, surrounded by white walls, I felt black. Dark. Counting minutes untill the inevitable, I am trying to estimate the amount of light brown wooden blocks in the parquet that laid all over the room. That white clock with golden edges drives me crazy. TV isn’t on, streets are empty, voices are hushed, everything is still except that clock. All of a sudden the feeling shifts. Now its gone from unsettling to unbearable. My soul hurts, I cannot breathe and whilst I gasp for air, the worst noise breaks the silence. I can feel the peach linen curtains moving as the sound is getting closer. But I know it’s already over, he’s gone…

This isn’t necessarily a place where I would like to go back, but it is indeed a place that kind of made me who I am today


 SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)

Song lyric inspiration

So for todays blogging101 assignment I have to try another blog event, and first one that spoke to me was this song lyrics inspiration challenge I guess.

The point is to put your song list on shuffle and when you get a song you pick a lyric and write a story based on it, so let’s go do that!


Sometimes before it gets better
The darkness gets bigger.

This is one of my favourite lyrics ever and I was so happy I got the song Miss Missing You from my ultimate favourite band Fall Out Boy, so I think I’ll have enough inspiration to write something on this theme.


Sometimes you just get stuck in what seems like never-ending sadness or emptiness. You feel like nothing you’re doing is right or that you yourself are a failure. I was, and still am right now stuck in that black hole for quite some while. Things just escalated in a wrong direction so fast and what seemed all at once. Every single bad thing imaginable went wrong and I fell into the emptiness of what is defined by one word – depression. The worst thing is that I feel guilty for so many things I know that I am not guilty for. How can be my fault that someone I loved died? I cannot, because I didn’t do absolutely anything to them, but somehow my mind just got an idea and decided to stick with it without listening to its rational side. The thing with depression is that it clouds every good feeling you have by those felling which break you inside out. Like I said to one of my fellow bloggers in the comments only things that I can feel are sadness and emptiness and right now I cannot resolve which one of them hurts me more.

This is something I was deciding whether or whether not to address on my blog, but looking at this quote I decided to actually at least touch the topic. You might ask yourself why, this is the answer. Just like the quote says sometimes it just has to get worse to go back to good once again and I want to have this written somewhere where I can read it when the good times come back again. And also someone can relate to this and realize that they are not alone in this, because that matters more than you think.

I am sorry if this is too much information for you or if you maybe don’t want to read something like this, but I had to say it. And I am in no way asking for your pity or anything similar to that.


SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)