Bad at hellos and goodbyes

Since I really dived into some personal shit in my last few posts, I thought this one should be no exception. This is going to give you a short overview of how my mind works when it comes to closeness and relationships of any sort. I have no clue to why would you want to read about that but maybe you are weirder than me, who knows…


  Forming a more intimate relationships includes actually getting to know someone and to do that you need to make yourself at least a bit vulnerable. Vulnerability to me was always closely connected to trust, because for me there is no bigger vulnerability than to trust someone fully and unconditionally. I know some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, but I do not wear mine anywhere nearly visible. Not to get too deep into psychological analysis of why is that so, just have in mind my cautiousness when it comes to letting people in my life. Socially awkward was something I used to use to describe myself, but now I am staying away from that expression for numerous reasons. Nowadays, however, I would describe myself as emotionally cautious and that is my personal diagnosis to why I am bad at hellos. 

  Being bad at hellos might seem as not such a big deal, but when you actually stop and think about how much you miss out on because you are too afraid to let people in it becomes clear how limiting that way of life is. It is not just sad, it is also very unhealthy and unnatural path through life since humans are social beings and we in someway feed on human interaction. What I hate about is specifically is the impression I leave on people. I seem cold and not interested to most of them and of course they do not get the chance to change their minds with getting to know me because they usually do not want to get to know me any further. But still, I believe, anyone who actually knows me has learned to overcome my awkwardness and to see who I truly am.

  Goodbye’s. Do not get me started on them. They are hard on their own and I make them even harder trying to make things easier and better. I always over-complicate things by trying to do them in a simpler kind of way and after all these year I should really know better but I simply cannot help myself. As I already said I do seem a bit cold to people on a first note, but the people closest to me say that I am overly emotional and too sensitive which I hate to even write down since it makes me feel weak. I hide that emotional part of me under a facade and because of that my initial reactions tend to be very wrong. I am a pusher, I push people away, I ignore them until they walk away from me, I make them walk away. Only the strongest ones and ones who care about me the most realize what I am doing and stay. Yep, I am self-destructive that way. 

  Even though I act though and cool, I am a very scared individual. The fear of being totally alone in this world is eating me constantly. And what do I do with that fear? I kind of try to make it true. I imagine stories in my head to get angry and make a fight happen. I ask a person a question and answer myself with the worst answer I can think of. I get angry when someone is angry at me. And the worst thing is I do that half knowingly. I say goodbye’s when they are not needed because I am afraid I will have a goodbye when it is going to be the hardest for me, not even giving something a chance at being easy-going and last hell of a long time. I am so afraid of a real goodbye that I was living my life at half the capacity all this time. This is something that got into my head just recently, maybe a few months ago. I was shown how to look at things differently, how to take things slow and fast at the same time. I was thought how to not think about a goodbye, but rather how to think about a crystal future full of amazing opportunities. I was shown how to trust the people who deserve it. 


I guess that will be all from me for today. Honestly I really like the new road I have been walking on for the past month or so and I would really like to know if you appreciate it too. It is rough and real, really personal and intimate. Feedback is always welcome, so be sure to leave a comment down bellow 😀 .

 

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What’s my type?

Recently I came to think how people sometimes end up doing something or being with someone who they could swear they would. Life is full of surprises and usually we are the ones that can surprise ourselves the most.

So on that note, today I wanted to talk about types. Do people really have a type when it comes to romantic and sexual attraction? I know it is not just me that falls for someone who is out of normal characteristics that my type is made of. And now the second time around that situation really made me stop and question do I really have a type or any preference at all when it comes to dating someone, since I never actually fell for my type. It’s a curious thing isn’t it. I never liked blue eyes but my last 2 relationships (out of total 3 in my life) involved a partner that has blue eyes. Yes, yes, I know they are just eyes but that is a characteristic that in no way corresponds with my type, in fact it is the pure opposite.

I have no idea when the cliche of liking someone for who they are became true, that cliche is something we all always wanted to believe but never really did. You get what I mean? The whole WHO THEY ARE IS IMPORTANT became bullshit ever since the entire dating world changed. You usually meet your ‘partner’ in a bar or a club, or you just swipe right 😂, how the hell could you know who that person is? Everything sped up and getting into relationships wasn’t an exception either. But maybe we are getting back to how things were before all this fast craziness. Maybe looks really got replaced by conversations and real interests. I guess when you seek a deeper connection with someone your type isn’t important or even it is the last thing you think about.

A few weeks ago I heard an interesting theory that the person in our life is never the wrong person for us, only we can be the wrong version of ourselves and the more I thought about it the more I started to agree with that view. People in our life come and go all the time, and not to think they are in our lives for some reason that is specific and unique to us and who we as people are is crazy. In this view the definition of a type has blurred lines and it is basically irrelevant. Recent events in my life showed me that sometimes you get exactly what you need even thought you might never came to think you need that in the first place.

That would be it for today and this post. Thank you for reading this post and I hope you’ll see me in my next one whenever that will be!

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My Excursion

So it has been over a week from when I got back from my excursion. The reason I did not do this post earlier is because I had some problems with the exports of photos.

For today I am just going to post a few pictures I took and under each one of the I will write something about them, just so you can get to know more details about my trips. I said for today because there could be more posts surrounding the same topic, but we’ll leave that for the future!!

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Skipping to our second day in Zakhyntos since the first one we just had a night out in the city, nothing special to take photos of.
This is a photo from the inside of the famous shipwreck on the beach Navagio. Just look at the colour of the sea. I have never seen something quite like this, even though I have been growing up by the sea my whole life. Fascinating!

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The island has a very indented coastline with a lot of coves, cliffs and caves, so you have a lot more to see than just the Shipwreck beach. On the way back from the beach we got to see these natural wonders up close and this photo I took is my favourite.

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After that we went to a great viewpoint from where you can see the famous beach from above. Stunning sight indeed. Close to the viewpoint we got to see some local products we could try everything they offered and then buy it if we like it. Let me just tell you that all I got there and saved for my family at home got eaten the first day I came back.

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For the last sight of the 2nd day we went to see the capital city of Zakhyntos also called Zakhyntos or Zante. The city is fairly new since it was ruined by an earthquake a few decades ago.

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On the 3rd day we left the island Zahkyntos and replaced our destination on the Peloponnese. After a quick ride on a ferry, we made it to Mycenae, a pretty important archaeological site in Greece. The ruins of the old city are telling a story about how people lived ages ago and the Lion gate, something this site is most famous for, is really impressive. When you climb the hill amongst the ruins you can see Greece and where it meats the sea, so it is worth it if nothing, for the view.

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Within the ruins there is a nice museum incorporated into the beautiful scenery. A lot of findings are stored there, including a replica of the notorious Agamemnon’s golden mask.
Not far away from the ruins and the museum there is the tomb of Atreus (father of Agamemnon) which is also a very popular site amongst the tourists.

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Then we visited Epidaurus with the asclepeion (antient healing center opened by Asclepius) and the theatre which you see in th photo. It is huge and very well-built and preserved. There we had a demonstration of how it was built like this on purpose, so you can hear what is going on in the middle, where the actors were, even if you are sitting on the top, far away from that.

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The last sight of the day was the Corinth canal which was built to shorten the voyage from one side to another since you do not have to circle around the Peloponnese. This canal actually transformed Peloponnese from a peninsula to an island.

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4th day and the first look on Athens with a panoramic ride by bus to the entrance to Acropolis. It was a really hot day so everyone was looking for some shade whilst we were waiting for our local guide to show us around. The funny thing was that we actually got warned by a security guy and almost thrown out because we where sitting on the stairs in the shad for too long.

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The Acropolis by itself is fascinating but when you combine it with the view it is so incredible to the point that it looks kind of unreal. Just take a look at the city of Athens with hundreds and hundreds of new building to the left of this old ancient building.

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The most famous thing on the Acropolis is of course the Pantheon. From what I understood it is on of the worst preserved structures n the Acropolis because it was once storehouse for a lot of explosives and it exploded during the bombarding. There is nothing like humans to ruin something the time still hasn’t got the chance to.

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A better look at the city of Athens from the Acropolis with me and my best friends posing like we are looking that way, you know the look in the distance. With the amazing Greek sky this is the best place to get amazing instagram photos, just look at my instagram magdalenam_dc (shameless self promo)!

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Then we spent the rest of the day looking for souvenirs and shopping in the centre of Athens, where we also stopped for a traditional greek lunch in a cute little restaurant and jumped to Starbucks right after since I love it, but only have the chance to go when I am travelling since they do not have Starbucks in Croatia. In the evening I went on a romantic walk through the city and later on had a great night out in a club with the rest.

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The 5th day we visited the city of Delphi, best known as the place where the priestess Pythia sat in a temple and recited the prophesies that where supposedly from the god Apollo. The whole old town was dug from under the houses built over the forgotten ancient town that served as a sanctuary.

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In Delphi we had the best local guide ever, Penny. She really made the tour interesting and entertaining by keeping it easy and funny. The history of almost every building built here is that the people of the town or polis who were victors in a war made a treasure-house with the explanation why it was built, therefore we know who defeated whom.

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After the tour and some resting time we went to a little greek tavern where we ate a lot of greek tradition food untill we couldn’t eat more. We soon left Delphi to arrive in Kalampaka, a beautiful little town where we stayed just one single night. That was the only night I didn’t go out with the most of my classmates, but I still had a pretty good night, maybe even better than if I went out.

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The 6th day we left the hotel to go see the Meteora Monasteries. From the photo you can probably get what it actually is. This is a Monastery on a huge hill and also this is a complex of more than 10 of these monasteries that are open to sight-seeing. It is really great to see what humans are actually capable of building to keep the solitude and isolation vibe.

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Soon after Meteora we left Greece and went to Ohrid, Macedonia. The weather drastically changed during the trip to Ohrid since we left the sunny and hot Greece and went to not so sunny and rainy Macedonia. But little rain didn’t stop us from shopping in the centre of Ohrid where the prices are scary low. After that we spent the last night in the hotel and of course our last going out of the trip.

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Our last day, 7th day was mostly spent in a bus. First stop for a lunch break and some free time was Tirana, Albany. Tirana was surprisingly very modern looking and we could even believe we where in the same country because just an hour before that we were driving by old wooden houses that looked like they have been abandoned.

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In a small restaurant somewhere in the centre of Tirana we had some lunch and relaxed knowing that we are going to spend half a day in the bus again. The food was pretty good and prices very reasonable.

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The centre of Tirana is really developed. Our guide told us the reason behind that is a huge amount of money that highly developed countries are investing in the capital city. This photo was taken from the bus and the last one I took in Albany, since after we left Tirana the true face of Albany was visible.

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Afer hours in the bus we got out in Budva to have some dinner and then a few hours for shopping. Budva is very busy at night since it really is a beautiful and romantic city. This stop was definitely my favourite one from the whole trip and I am already planning to get back next summer. This was our last stop and after romantic Budva we continued our journey to my hometown!

 

This is it! Everything about my trip in a brief summary. If you managed to read till the end and still enjoyed what you read, thank you so much!

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Mood board for September

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I have been doing mood boards for a few months, but last month I started with the new concept of giving some information about what I did that month that is connected with this photos (that I rebloged onto my Tumblr, if you want to check it out it’s girlonfire-youtube-lover) and people seemed to like it so I’m going to stick to that.

Basically my style is grey and black clothes with super cool black (or any other dark-colored)  boots.
Usually I stay away from white clothing, but this month I have been loving my new white t-shirt from mango (as seen on my instagram)!
This month I have been listening to albums from Halsey and Troye Sivan. Both amazing and a little bit darker than pop songs go.
My favourite designer is Elie Saab.
Even though I am almost never cold, I absolutely love wearing sweaters and cardigans even if the heat is killing me.
Still waiting for a bit of alone time to have a bath.
Monet is one of my favourite painters! I have a poster of one of his paintings.

And that will be it for this month’s mood board!

Previous Mood boards:
February
March
April
May
June
July
August

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SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)

Writing 101 – 50 words: Is it enough?

Today we are going in medias res because I only have 50 words.
Can I say everything I need in that little amount, without digression and long sentences I love to use. Can you say anything meaningful in 50 words? Well when you have no idea what to write about you can.

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SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)