I’ve got some explaining to do…

It has been 2 months since my last post, I don’t think it has ever been that long without a post since I started this blog and I just got a message that today is the 3rd anniversary of me creating it. Well, I really do have some explaining to do but I am not going to go into great details.

I feel like no matter how long have you been with me or with my blog I owe an explanation, even though I do not really think anyone really cares. Past 2 months have really been full with so much stress and loosing and finding my spirit on and on. I cannot explain things without context and I cannot give context because it is about my personal life (a bit too personal). Now let’s talk about stuff I can talk about.

First stressor I have encountered was me trying to enroll into a college. It really was a rocky road, but now when I look back at it there was no place for panicking or even being stressed about but stress is in my blood. Since I decided to stay in Croatia to continue my education I had no idea what to go for because I thought there was no way I could do what I wanted here. But as it turns out I can, and even though I wasn’t really happy with the college I got in at first now I know it is actually just the thing I wanted for as long as I can remember. This fall I am an official student of anthropology and Italian studies.

Other news, my work is both stressful and stress relieving in a way.  I also kind of lost an important person in my life, maybe lost isn’t a good description of the situation but will go with it. The good thing is that I am trying to get out of it all stronger. I am learning to put myself first or at least on a bit more important place than I am now. I am hopelessly trying to save myself and it might look like I am running away from everything I am dealing with the devil in me the best way I know and I can. This whole situation left me more anxious than ever and I am having, again, at least one panic attack a week and my head is so messed up that I cannot even decide what to eat and especially write something worth reading.

That is all I have to say right now. I have no idea when the next post will be but I will think about doing some photography posts to start up again. Goodbye, I’ll hopefully see you in my next post!


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Scary future

I am at a place in my life where I have to decide what I want to be. The deadline for that decision is coming so soon that I can feel it even and I still do not know what to sign up for.

It is so scary having to decide your future through just one thing. It is so scary having to decide it while you are not even 18. It is so scary to decide what will you do for the rest of your life.

For the longest time I have known I want to be a forensic anthropologist and that I wanted to study for that abroad in UK. But I crossed UK as a country of my future education at some point of last year. I am not 100% sure why. It is probably a mix of things. A mix of feeling unwanted and unimportant due to the new law they brought, finding and building relationships I cannot bear to break with the distance, finding happiness in the form I never thought I could. Life happened and I moved on. I still want the same job but to get it here is a different story, so I began with a blank slate keeping my dream somewhere close where I can always reach for it.

I have grown, I know that. I have learned so much this past year and I am happy where I am at. And now my next move is what? Something that is going to keep making me happy and that is going to allow me keeping the things and people, I cherish the most in my life, by my side.

So what is exactly that move, you are asking me? Well, you’ll find out as soon as I do.
I am optimistic and hopeful, so I would like to pass that onto you, everyone who is reading this.


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Messy thoughts

In what do trust?

Some people trust in God, some in their queen/king or whoever. Others trust in science, truth and facts. Some, on other hand, do not trust in anything or anyone. Were they born like that or were they burned enough times to know better than to trust? And were the people who trust in something born like that or is it just luck that they were able to live a good life or that they are more patient and prone to repeat the same thing expecting a better outcome.

As a guarded person, trust was always a very hard thing to me, which of course affected and still affects all my relationships. Personally, I find it very tough to trust in people, because they (or better said;  we) lie, cheat, make mistakes and usually look for something they (we) will benefit from.

Still, there is one big problem when it comes to not trusting. Is there love without trust, I wondered quite a lot. I came to a conclusion that love is a complicated emotion, it is a potion made of many different ingredients, trust is just one of them.

For me falling in love for the first time, really and fully was an adventure. It meant to let myself trust the person that I love, let myself be vulnerable and let myself be hurt. Now, imagine jumping over a huge hole that is so deep that you cannot see the end of it, nothing but just black void. Falling in love and trusting for me is like doing just that. Only blindfolded. Falling in love with you showed me how brave I really am and gave me an opportunity to learn you need to trust yourself first then give that trust to people around you that deserved it the most.

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Today’s post is just going to be a little update
about future posts on this blog.

Last Sunday I haven’t posted a Sunday review because I didn’t have anything prepared and because I didn’t have enough time to do it from scratch. That is a second time I missed a Sunday review, and that got me thinking.

For a while I had two posts coming out a week, a random one at Tuesdays and a review at Sundays. This last few weeks I felt like I drained all my inspiration and lost interest in blogging, so I decided that Sunday reviews are not going to go out every Sunday. They will probably go out every another Sunday because I think that way I could have more time to prepare them and therefore the content would be better. I am going to keep random Tuesday post, so you will get at least one post a week. That would be all for now. Thanks to everyone who has been reading my blog for some time and to anyone who has just joined.

SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)