I’ve got some explaining to do…

It has been 2 months since my last post, I don’t think it has ever been that long without a post since I started this blog and I just got a message that today is the 3rd anniversary of me creating it. Well, I really do have some explaining to do but I am not going to go into great details.

I feel like no matter how long have you been with me or with my blog I owe an explanation, even though I do not really think anyone really cares. Past 2 months have really been full with so much stress and loosing and finding my spirit on and on. I cannot explain things without context and I cannot give context because it is about my personal life (a bit too personal). Now let’s talk about stuff I can talk about.

First stressor I have encountered was me trying to enroll into a college. It really was a rocky road, but now when I look back at it there was no place for panicking or even being stressed about but stress is in my blood. Since I decided to stay in Croatia to continue my education I had no idea what to go for because I thought there was no way I could do what I wanted here. But as it turns out I can, and even though I wasn’t really happy with the college I got in at first now I know it is actually just the thing I wanted for as long as I can remember. This fall I am an official student of anthropology and Italian studies.

Other news, my work is both stressful and stress relieving in a way.  I also kind of lost an important person in my life, maybe lost isn’t a good description of the situation but will go with it. The good thing is that I am trying to get out of it all stronger. I am learning to put myself first or at least on a bit more important place than I am now. I am hopelessly trying to save myself and it might look like I am running away from everything I am dealing with the devil in me the best way I know and I can. This whole situation left me more anxious than ever and I am having, again, at least one panic attack a week and my head is so messed up that I cannot even decide what to eat and especially write something worth reading.

That is all I have to say right now. I have no idea when the next post will be but I will think about doing some photography posts to start up again. Goodbye, I’ll hopefully see you in my next post!

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Exam Anxiety – How to keep it down

I haven’t post a while, but I do have a good reason for that. I am currently in the stage of studying for my finals (and as of today I did half of my finals). That’s why I didn’t really have any new ideas or even time to do something on here, but I said to myself listen make the best of your situation. So I decided to write a post about how to keep down your anxiety during finals or any exam therefore. I hope this post will help you to deal with your anxiety the best you can.


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  • Breathe, breathe, breathe!

    I cannot stress how important it is to breathe in and out calmly. Not only it helps you stay calm it also prevents hyperventilating. If you are walking to the place you are taking your test do this for most of your walk, if not then before you start writing whatever is in front of you (before you take a look at tasks). It really helps you gather all those positive thoughts you have and push all negative voices hiding in your head.

  • Always wake up with 30 minutes to spare. 

    Take your time getting ready, do everything you have to do calmly like you have nowhere to go. Also you never know, a panic attack could happen and you cannot be late. It is a good time to have little extra time.

  • Prepare you clothes and bag the night before. 

    You should do this ahead because you are calm at this stage and have less chance to forget something you need. Besides you can prepare that favourite shirt you love that brings you luck and comfort, since that cannot be a bad thing to have.

  • Make a relaxing song playlist.
    This can also be good if you are walking to the place in combination with breathing exercises, but if you aren’t walking then you can listening to it whilst getting ready and doing your makeup. I find music very therapeutic in dealing with anxiety and stress, so much that when I had at least one panic attack a weak I couldn’t leave my house without headphones.

  • Stop and have a talk with yourself. 

    This can be done however you like, vocally our with your inner voice in your head. You can combine it with some other techniques or just literally sit down in your house before leaving and tell yourself you got this, you prepared for it and it is going to be alright. This way you also prevent that little mean voice in your head that is always saying how incompetent you are.

  • Don’t skip breakfast and a glass of water.
    It doesn’t take a genius to tell that hunger plus dehydration plus anxiety equals catastrophe. So please take good care of yourself and eat at least a chocolate bar to give you some energy to fight off the stress.

  • Try not to go to bed too late.
    I know a lot of people pull all nighters before exams and that could work for some people, but I do not recommend that to someone who has anxiety. It is hard enough, but with sleep deprivation it is even harder to stay calm. Try to get a few hours of sleep and maybe a nice, quick shower in the morning. It really works wonders.

That would be all I have to say folks. These things keep my anxiety down and help me to concentrate and give my best. If you have some of your tips please do write them down, so I and others can read them! Thank you for your attention once again.

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Cliff

There is a cliff. One that I walk by everyday. It is so near where I live and I usually pass by it with my little dog right beside me.

There is a cliff. One that is very high. It gives a spectacular view on the sea that I learned to cherish as a child.

There is that cliff. One that always stood there, since I remember. It didn’t change but I did.

There is that one cliff. That one which, when I walk by it, shows me how well I deal with my life.

You see on some days I childishly admire the view and on others I admire the fall.

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Anxiety and Panic Attacks

The next text you will read is going to a post that I did for Italian Hurricane back in July! It was a part of her guest posts in Psycho Tuesday. The reason I decided on posting this on my own blog is that I personally think that it is helpful and I want more people to read it, because I wish I knew these things before my panic attacks and anxiety started.


Today I am here to raise awareness. As a person who has anxiety (not normal anxiety you get before tests, speaking in front of people etc.) and panic attack, I strongly feel that we should talk about these things, explain it, learn it and UNDERSTAND IT.

I am 16 (and a half, but who cares about that) and I had my first panic attack when I was about 12. I don’t remember the exact incident because in that period of my life I had at least two panic attack per week. I was scared because I didn’t know what was happening. The feeling of high level anxiety would come rushing through me, climbing up my body from my toes to my head. My heart started to pound so fast I thought it was going to jump out of my skin, I was shaking, my hands numb. And all of that happened to me while I was making my bed which is not something you normally feel anxious about.

Over the course of next few years I had panic attacks in a lot of situations, and my anxiety would get so high that I would shake. Sadly, those things have had affected the way I live. As a dancer I had a lot of performances and I was, let’s say fine, with public watching what I do, but now just walking across a hall full of people, or being in a small drugstore is a problem sometimes. It’s the simple things that are a bit difficult, but you know what – I learned. I learned how to make my panic attacks easier, I learned how to deal with anxiety in public, and the most important thing I learned how to talk to people about it.  Not just about my anxiety and panic attack, but I learned how to take my problems and experience with it and use it to help others with same problems, who might haven’t understood everything.

So today I am going to give you a few tips about surviving panic attacks and anxiety that have helped me. If you don’t have them you can simply use these tips by having them in mind when you are helping someone with them.

1. You are not alone. Not even when you don’t have anyone by your side, someone is always just a phone call away.

2. Learn what makes you feel at peace. For me that is some music blasting through my headphones, or someone talking about places thy have travelled to.

3. It useful to learn some breathing exercises or even how to do yoga. Meditation is awesome.

4. You are most definitely not making any of your friends in your presence embarrassed. They are there because they care about you and because they want to help.

5. When you feel you are going to have an attack prepare yourself mentally for it. Don’t start to panick about having it, try to convince yourself that you got this and you can get through this, because you can!

6. It is a good idea to tell people you are close with about your panic attacks and/or anxiety and also tell them what they can do to help you, just in case.

7. You should not be embarrassed about this. Own it and talk about it and it might help you and others in the future.

8. Keep in mind that what you are feeling won’t last forever. Panic attacks usually never last longer than 30 minutes, even though mine are mostly 5 minutes.

9. I know it can be scary to go to a crowded space, especially if you have social anxiety, but at least try to do it, and give the best you can.

10. Be open to accepting help. This step is usually really hard for me because whenever I need help I put my guard up and don’t let anyone in. I have to realize that asking for help is braver than denying you need it.

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SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)

About self-love

A few days ago I went on a book promotion of famous Croatian writer and sociologist, whom I won’t name. He mostly writes about self-love, love toward your family and friends and his books belong to the self-help category. In 1 hour we went through various themes, including how important it is to love yourself and to your see good features as significant ones and also why it is important to forgive or learn how to forgive. At the end of the promotion he was signing his books and my mother went up to him and told him to sign it for me. And that is when he asked her how old I was (I am 17) and when she answered him he look at her almost confused and told her that he thinks it is to early for me to read his books because they are a type of self-help books. He pretty much told her that it is too early for me to learn how to love myself and appreciate my good features equally as my bad ones. This really bothered me (and my mother also wasn’t very indifferent about it), so let me introduce myself to you and that way explain to you why exactly  it bothered me.

I am 17. I have anxiety and I have been fighting with it and panic attacks on top of that for almost 8 years now. I had a period in my life where I was depressed and had extremely bad suicidal thoughts. My confidence is pretty much non-existent and I blame myself for every little thing that happens that I know is not my fault in any way. I never loved myself or my body and I still don’t but I am trying really hard to change that.

I hope you now understand why what he said really set me off. And I also hope you agree that there is no early time to start loving yourself and learning how to value yourself as much as you deserve.

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SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)