Let’s have a chat about being selfish

Maybe you read this tittle and thought to yourself what the hell is she talking about. Or maybe a single thought hasn’t popped up in your mind, but either way you are reading my newest post in which I am mostly going to talk about myself and some changes I have been facing last few months. It really is weird seeing yourself change as it happens right in front of your eyes.

If you knew me you would know that I am always trying to help others and most of the time at my own expense. I like helping, don’t get me wrong but it takes so much energy from me that it makes sense why I am a hard introvert that needs to charge batteries by spending some quality time alone. Also, there are so many people who take advantage on me being myself and just let me do all of their work for them because they know I will. For past month or so, I started to see myself the toll this way of living put on me and slowly I began tearing from inside without anyone else noticing. What really got me was that the people closest to me didn’t notice my suggestive cry for help because they were so into their own problems which made mine invisible.

At that point I realized I had too many toxic relations with people who always seem to run short when it comes to me but I always put them before me. For my own good and for theirs I started a painful process of removing all of the toxicity and finally after so many years of my life I began walking a new path. A path led by healthy selfishness, I began pushing myself to put myself on a higher priority list if I cannot put myself first. After a short period of time I felt the difference this made in my life. I felt healthier, happier and more relaxed just by spending more time incorporating helping myself into my own life.

I don’t know if anyone will relate to this, but I never really wrote posts to be relatable did I? I wrote this to leave a piece of my soul here and to hopefully make people think or help them, so I sincerely hope you enjoyed this quick read I presented you today.

http___signatures.mylivesignature.com_54493_157_FA4B4A182DF1537DBD53322870A28D28

Social media:
Tumblr: girlonfire-youtube-lover
Instagram: @smalltownblogger 
Email: medicmagdalena@gmail.com

 

Advertisements

Overall a good look – Outfit inspiration

Jeans: HM Overalls
Bag: Local shop
Shirt:
Bershka
Jacket: Zara 
Boots: 
HM

It’s been a while since I posted my last Outfit Inspiration post, so I thought that I should do one as the first post of the month. Here you see my go to pieces for spring that I literally wear everywhere, from school to coffee and even, with the right shoes, when I go out.

First let’s talk about my overalls that a got a while ago, at the end of the summer, in HM. I already owned short black overalls when I stumbled upon these ones and I had to get them. I wore them hundred times since I bought them and they look so cool and unique no matter how you style them. I usually wear a turtleneck under it, like I did here.

This burgundy turtleneck is from Bershka and I got it when I was in Zagreb in November when I was there for the Justin Bieber concert. I love wearing burgundy and I bought this shirt because it was the exact colour of the boots I got an hour before in Shoebox (that I featured in my last favourites). What can I say, it really was meant to be and also when I am not wearing all black I am wearing black with burgundy :).

This jacket is from Zara and it has a peplum end. I am not really going to talk more about it since I already featured this piece in one of my older Outfit Inspiration posts that you can see here. And about this bag, it is a black messenger bag with little dark silver studs in the corners. It is a perfect size and I received it as a gift from my mother at the beginning of the year.

Next and last I will tell you more about these black boots. They are black leather Chelsea boots I got a year and half ago while I was in Rome. They were really affordable and trendy then so I had to buy them. They really go with everything and they are really great to slip on in a hurry because you do not have to worry about laces, heals or even do they look good with your outfit – they always do!

That’s it for today’s post. I would like to thank you for your attention and I hope you liked the way you spent your last few minutes reading my piece. Also I would like to take this time to thank my amazing amateur photographer who always listens to my vision and takes the camera in hands when I order that way. I couldn’t do this without you!

For more day-to-day looks, makeup and other be sure to follow me on my two instagrams (links on the right side and/or under this). Also for previews of my posts and notices about when something is out! Thank you for reading once again, I’ll see you in my next post and I for sure hope you are going to be there again!!

http___signatures.mylivesignature.com_54493_157_FA4B4A182DF1537DBD53322870A28D28Social media:
Tumblr: girlonfire-youtube-lover
Instagram: @smalltownblogger_m
Email: medicmagdalena@gmail.com

What about pain?

Does the best art come from the worst pain?

If my mind is clearer than tell me,
why do these letters feel heavier to write?

I am thinking more rationally, aren’t I? 
Then why to I despise everything I write?

If love describes my life, 
why does fear reek from my art? 

Tell me why do I feel incompetent
without my pain, my crazy?

How can it define me, 
how can it be this visible?

Am I me without pain?

Am I an artist, a writer? 
Without pain! 

http___signatures.mylivesignature.com_54493_157_FA4B4A182DF1537DBD53322870A28D28

Social media:
Tumblr: girlonfire-youtube-lover
Instagram: @smalltownblogger_m
Email: medicmagdalena@gmail.com

 

In general

Saturday morning. 7 AM. Great storm and rain everywhere. Just as it was on that same date 18 years ago when I was born. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

The weather made a full circle in those 18 years to welcome me to something that is legally looked at as adulthood. Even though I woke up feeling just as I do every morning, tired and sleepy 😉 , nature made its best effort to remind me of this event that happens only once in your lifetime, oppose to 40th birthday which you can have multiple times 😀 !

I was blessed to be born in an amazing family that spoils me to death with both, attention and presents. I am blessed to have made wonderful friends along the way who are my strength and ultimate support. And last, but certainly not the least, I was too blessed by meeting my partner in life and crime this young and to have that kind of love this early.

No matter the circumstances that made my life hard and at some times unbearably painful I am grateful for and I appreciate everything that happened to me because those things have brought me to this moment. They brought me these people in my life and prepared me for everything that will happen next.

In past few years I have grown so much as a person. I became brave enough to live my true self and met my partner who helped me to make ease with my appearance and finally like the way I look. I earned my confidence, I learned to love and to be loved. I got calmer, my anxiety attacks are not so common anymore. I am funnier, and I have no idea how that happened.  I changed my style to meet how I am feeling inside. A lot more happened, a lot more growth, a lot more happiness.

I guess that you learn how to be happy and how to feel the happiness surrounding you as the years go by. You learn to appreciate everything that has happened and not to fear the things that are going to happen. I don’t have a magic recipe, no one does. But I know one thing, with the right people everything is easier. 

This post is a thank you to all those people who make my life easier, better, funnier, prettier. To the people who have brought me back the childlike will to live and to explore all the things this life has to offer, to be happy for what is going to happen and for what has already happened. Thank you from the bottom of my small heart, I love you! 

 

http___signatures.mylivesignature.com_54493_157_FA4B4A182DF1537DBD53322870A28D28Social media:
Tumblr: girlonfire-youtube-lover
Instagram: @smalltownblogger_m
Email: medicmagdalena@gmail.com

 

Messy thoughts

In what do trust?

Some people trust in God, some in their queen/king or whoever. Others trust in science, truth and facts. Some, on other hand, do not trust in anything or anyone. Were they born like that or were they burned enough times to know better than to trust? And were the people who trust in something born like that or is it just luck that they were able to live a good life or that they are more patient and prone to repeat the same thing expecting a better outcome.

As a guarded person, trust was always a very hard thing to me, which of course affected and still affects all my relationships. Personally, I find it very tough to trust in people, because they (or better said;  we) lie, cheat, make mistakes and usually look for something they (we) will benefit from.

Still, there is one big problem when it comes to not trusting. Is there love without trust, I wondered quite a lot. I came to a conclusion that love is a complicated emotion, it is a potion made of many different ingredients, trust is just one of them.

For me falling in love for the first time, really and fully was an adventure. It meant to let myself trust the person that I love, let myself be vulnerable and let myself be hurt. Now, imagine jumping over a huge hole that is so deep that you cannot see the end of it, nothing but just black void. Falling in love and trusting for me is like doing just that. Only blindfolded. Falling in love with you showed me how brave I really am and gave me an opportunity to learn you need to trust yourself first then give that trust to people around you that deserved it the most.

http___signatures.mylivesignature.com_54493_157_FA4B4A182DF1537DBD53322870A28D28Social media:
Tumblr: girlonfire-youtube-lover
Instagram: @smalltownblogger_m
Email: medicmagdalena@gmail.com