I’ve got some explaining to do…

It has been 2 months since my last post, I don’t think it has ever been that long without a post since I started this blog and I just got a message that today is the 3rd anniversary of me creating it. Well, I really do have some explaining to do but I am not going to go into great details.

I feel like no matter how long have you been with me or with my blog I owe an explanation, even though I do not really think anyone really cares. Past 2 months have really been full with so much stress and loosing and finding my spirit on and on. I cannot explain things without context and I cannot give context because it is about my personal life (a bit too personal). Now let’s talk about stuff I can talk about.

First stressor I have encountered was me trying to enroll into a college. It really was a rocky road, but now when I look back at it there was no place for panicking or even being stressed about but stress is in my blood. Since I decided to stay in Croatia to continue my education I had no idea what to go for because I thought there was no way I could do what I wanted here. But as it turns out I can, and even though I wasn’t really happy with the college I got in at first now I know it is actually just the thing I wanted for as long as I can remember. This fall I am an official student of anthropology and Italian studies.

Other news, my work is both stressful and stress relieving in a way.  I also kind of lost an important person in my life, maybe lost isn’t a good description of the situation but will go with it. The good thing is that I am trying to get out of it all stronger. I am learning to put myself first or at least on a bit more important place than I am now. I am hopelessly trying to save myself and it might look like I am running away from everything I am dealing with the devil in me the best way I know and I can. This whole situation left me more anxious than ever and I am having, again, at least one panic attack a week and my head is so messed up that I cannot even decide what to eat and especially write something worth reading.

That is all I have to say right now. I have no idea when the next post will be but I will think about doing some photography posts to start up again. Goodbye, I’ll hopefully see you in my next post!

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Social media:
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Email: medicmagdalena@gmail.com

 

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Official Small Town Blogger Instagram

I have been thinking about doing an official instagram just for this page, since I cannot really share stuff from here on my personal account so it has finally been realized today. I have just made an account where I will post my new photography, sneak peek of upcoming posts, my OOTD and my general likes. I think it could be a fun journey for both you and me, so if you want me to check something out or to follow you put your username in the comments I will follow you back. My username is smalltownblogger_m ! Looking forward to all experiences I will be able to share easier with you this way.

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SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)

New music: Badlands by Halsey

Today I am here because I want to talk about something. More specifically someone! An artist called Halsey and her new album Badlands that came out a few days ago.


If you had seen my Summer playlist, you already know how much I was (and still am) obsessed with Halsey’s song Hold Me Down. That was actually the first song if hers I have stumbled upon whilst my endless scrolling through Tumblr. And ever since that song I started listening to other songs she had and (un)patiently waiting for her new album to come out. The deluxe version of the album contains 16 amazing songs and you can find them on iTunes – here!
It has been only a few days since the release but I have already memorized every single word and note of that perfection. Now I can only tell you my favourite songs from the bunch and throw some lyrics with them!


Control 
I’m bigger than my body
I’m colder than this come
I’m meaner than my demons
I’m bigger than these bones   

New Americana
We are the new Americana
High on legal marijuana
Raised on Biggie and Nirvana

Gasoline
And all the people say
“You can’t wake up, this is not a dream
You’re part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen
Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline”

Castle
Already choking on my pride,
so there’s no use crying about it

Strange Love
They think I’m insane, they think my lover is strange
But I don’t have to fucking tell them anything, anything
And I’m gonna write it all down, and I’m gonna sing it on stage
But I don’t have to fucking tell you anything, anything 

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SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)

Update

Today’s post is just going to be a little update
about future posts on this blog.


Last Sunday I haven’t posted a Sunday review because I didn’t have anything prepared and because I didn’t have enough time to do it from scratch. That is a second time I missed a Sunday review, and that got me thinking.

For a while I had two posts coming out a week, a random one at Tuesdays and a review at Sundays. This last few weeks I felt like I drained all my inspiration and lost interest in blogging, so I decided that Sunday reviews are not going to go out every Sunday. They will probably go out every another Sunday because I think that way I could have more time to prepare them and therefore the content would be better. I am going to keep random Tuesday post, so you will get at least one post a week. That would be all for now. Thanks to everyone who has been reading my blog for some time and to anyone who has just joined.


SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)

Weird diary?

I have no inspiration so I am just going to come to this draft and
write some of my thoughts in the period of next six days.
Sounds interesting? Then keep reading!


Wednesday 1st of April

2:35 
It is crazy how we take everything for granted, especially our bodies. They are so amazing! Think about it… We can feel touch, heat, cold, pain, pleasure… We can paint on it. Dress it up, dress it down, undress it. It constantly changes. There aren’t two same bodies on this Earth. Your body is special. Your body is amazing. Learn to accept it and love it!

21:09 
It’s funny how sometimes is hard for me to see whether am I just paranoid or something is indeed happening. Like for an example, people looking at me, watching me and
my every move. And what is strange, I am not scared of people following me, I am scared of being paranoid.

Thursday 2nd of April

23:43 
I don’t understand people who need a relationship partner to be happy. You get out of a relationship and you already have a backup guy/girl to be with? Why the hell were you in a relationship in the first place? To pretend you are happy? In my experience those kind of people usually think they love a person immediately even though they actually have a few backups if that person doesn’t work out. I know it seems crazy, but this really happens. I am so annoyed by it and by those people, especially because I was with one. 

Friday 3rd of April

12:23
People are not weak for showing their sadness. They are weak if they don’t admit it, at least to themselves. Those people are weak!

Saturday 4th of April

22:58
Once I had a conversation with one of my friends about trust. About how are some people never capable of trusting. I am one of those people and the reason of that lays in my past. Over the course of my (for now) short life a lot of things, bad things, happened which led me to believe that no one can help me, but myself. It’s funny because I protect myself by being a trustworthy person who doesn’t trust. And when people ask me why I don’t trust them or anyone at all I just say that I cannot even trust myself, let alone other people.

Monday 6th of April 

1:43
I hate myself for leaving everything until the last moment but I also love myself for letting myself enjoy in the free time I had. What a strong contrast!

21:46
Thing with depression is that it has you fooled. Just when you think you have gone past it, it comes back and hits you harder than ever.

Thursday 7th of April

12:02
Sometimes everything just lines up and works perfectly, even if it isn’t the way you imagined it to be.


 SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)