Let’s have a chat about being selfish

Maybe you read this tittle and thought to yourself what the hell is she talking about. Or maybe a single thought hasn’t popped up in your mind, but either way you are reading my newest post in which I am mostly going to talk about myself and some changes I have been facing last few months. It really is weird seeing yourself change as it happens right in front of your eyes.

If you knew me you would know that I am always trying to help others and most of the time at my own expense. I like helping, don’t get me wrong but it takes so much energy from me that it makes sense why I am a hard introvert that needs to charge batteries by spending some quality time alone. Also, there are so many people who take advantage on me being myself and just let me do all of their work for them because they know I will. For past month or so, I started to see myself the toll this way of living put on me and slowly I began tearing from inside without anyone else noticing. What really got me was that the people closest to me didn’t notice my suggestive cry for help because they were so into their own problems which made mine invisible.

At that point I realized I had too many toxic relations with people who always seem to run short when it comes to me but I always put them before me. For my own good and for theirs I started a painful process of removing all of the toxicity and finally after so many years of my life I began walking a new path. A path led by healthy selfishness, I began pushing myself to put myself on a higher priority list if I cannot put myself first. After a short period of time I felt the difference this made in my life. I felt healthier, happier and more relaxed just by spending more time incorporating helping myself into my own life.

I don’t know if anyone will relate to this, but I never really wrote posts to be relatable did I? I wrote this to leave a piece of my soul here and to hopefully make people think or help them, so I sincerely hope you enjoyed this quick read I presented you today.

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Mood board for April

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I have been doing mood boards for over a year now, the concept is me giving some information about what I did that month that is connected with this photos (that I rebloged onto my Tumblr, if you want to check it out it’s girlonfire-youtube-lover). The mood board of the month is going live on the last Monday of that month! Or in this case a week later (sorry for that)!


 

First of all I changed my instagram username to smalltownblogger, so go and check that out!

I am thinking about colouring my hair into purple or pink, something pastel like.

There is no one crazier about dogs than me. I cannot see one without stopping and petting them or waving at them (I know, who does that 🙂 ).

I drink coffee probably 5-7 times a week. And by coffee I mean Nescafe.

I really want new prescription glasses, something a bit more out there than my plain black D&G’s.

Currently I am really into pastel colours in clothing! I seriously need to go spring shopping soon.

I have my mother’s ring, that my father bought her for one year dating anniversary, on my left hand for years now. I haven’t taken it off since I first put it on, and I don’t plan on it any time soon!

I love makeup, that’s not anything new. But most of all I love doing my eyes, I can spend a whole day just doing that and of course I never leave home without eye makeup. I consider it my trademark.

Last year’s April mood board – HERE
Previous Mood Boards —> HERE

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13 Reasons Why – why it is so special

I am sure a lot of you heard about this title recently, since Netflix dropped the season some time ago. It was based on a book written a couple of years ago and it was first meant to be made into a movie, but thank God it is a series because it has so much going on that I don’t think anyone can catch up in two hours.


What I wanted to talk to you about today is why this show is so special and why you should watch it if you didn’t already. I am not going to mention any spoilers so you are safe to read further.

This show is ab13-reasons-why_0.jpgout a girl named Hannah Baker who was bullied and misunderstood in her high-school. She killed herself and the story actually starts and ends with her suicide. Before she killed herself she made 13 taped explaining the reasons why she killed herself, people who caused her to do so. We are actually following Clay, Hannah’s coworker and let’s say friend, getting the tapes and listening to them one by one and revealing us what has happened in Hannah’s life since she moved to this high-school until her death.  That is all the basic information you need to get the just of this show, now let’s start with what I meant to write today.

So 13 Reasons Why. A show like nothing I have ever seen before. Not only it shows suicide, but also rape, bullying, lying, sexuality and most of all the lost life of a teenager. All topics mentioned in various shows and movies but never like this. It is so raw and real that by watching it you are so aware that this is so real, this is something that is happening right now to someone you don’t know, and something that has happened to someone you know but you have no idea about it.
What I was personally most surprised about was the scene from the last episode. The scene we all knew was going to happen, even you who just have read the short overview I have written above. The scene that shows how Hannah actually killed herself. And I mean really shows it. I have never seen something like that shown anywhere, not in dramas, not in shows with medical or criminal background not anywhere. The act of slitting your wrists sound so scary to most of us, but seeing this scene on my screen I was terrified, I was moved, I was shaken to my core. Seeing Hannah’s obvious pain that she considered the last and ultimate option that she has to take woke me up like a cold shower. I understand why this was made. Any suicidal person who has watched the show and especially that scene would be so shaken that he or she would reconsider everything he or she thought about, including me.
Also a thing about this show that is great is showing how much human interaction and contact is important. And how much people actually affect one another on a everyday basis. Those 13 people Hannah mentions as her reasons, they are not all aware they did something so awful to this girl, most of them don’t even think about their actions once they do them. No body cares, until she is dead. No body but Clay.
Show also to me represents what a lack of communication can do. People often just assume what the other person is thinking, or are too scared to say what they want, resulting in a lot of important things being left unsaid. A lot of problems in everyday life are caused by lack of communication and compassion. This show also presents how people have become number as a result of having technology and hiding behind it. I think that’s the reasons the author choose tapes as a media through which Hannah speaks to people who have hurt her, which is genius when you stop and think about it.
Something very important that was highlighted was that even if you did not say no it doesn’t mean that it isn’t rape, it certainly doesn’t mean that you want it. Consent is a real thing people! Especially when a person isn’t able to say no, or when a person is trying to get away without saying no. Just because you want something or you feel entitled to something it doesn’t mean it is yours to take. This is a real issue, and I guess it isn’t talked about enough since a lot of people have no idea what consent means. It also talks about teenagers pressuring their partners about having sex and the whole slut shaming thing that happens in every highs school around the world. It shows how different an untrue rumour about a girl is treated with an abominable amount of slut shaming, but when it comes to a guy raping it is covered up.
All in all it is an interesting show to watch, but also a really hard one. I really recommend it to everyone and I already talked all my friends into watching it. I haven’t yet heard or read anything negative about the show, but most importantly I couldn’t find something negative about it myself. If you have already watched it or you just started watching it leave your opinion about the show in the comments below!
Thank you for reading and for your attention (this was probably one of my longest post ever), I hope I have at least presented you something interesting to read if nothing else. If I made you want to see this show right away please let me know in the comments as well and mention why exactly!

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Social equality?

A society that treats everyone the same, as equals. Is that just a utopia or a real possibility that could happen in the future of human kind?

I think everyone can agree that we live in a cruel world where justice rarely happens. Our world is homophobic and racist, women are treated as less and paid less than men. Now, especially considering recent events with terrorist attacks, a question has risen in our minds. What is necessary for an equal society?
Pessimistic views on this question are common, so there are a lot of people who do not believe in a possibility of a better world. The idea of something so ideal and perfect is too hard to comprehend to some, resulting in people not even trying to change anything that is wrong with this world. Also, a lot of people who watched someone being treated unfairly or even put down for an unjust reason, have lost their belief in all humanity and in all good that this world has to offer. Some also do not want to fight for the better world because they think nothing is going to change because nothing has changed for centuries, which is a dangerously wrong opinion.

On the other hand ones that do believe in such a possibility try to change the world everyday. People like this have seen how revolutions, rebellions and protest have changed the world through history, from racial segregation in South Africa and USA, to women rights in UK, USA, France and all over Europe. They believe that if enough people stand up together for the same cause they will change history, they will make this world a better place.  That is why today there are a lot of protest like Black Lives Matter and LGBTQ+ parades all over the world. Not to forget the importance of celebrities that stand proud as feminists, LGBTQ+ members or supporters, who in that way send a message of peace and equality.

For the conclusion, there will always be people who fight for what they believe in, here for a better world. In the same way, there will always be people who do not fight for that since they do not believe in it. The important thing is that people who believe in such a possibility have changed and still are changing the world step by step.

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Writing and fighting

As a writer, or whatever you want to call someone like me, I found sitting down and writing a post a very special thing. I love writing even if I know I am going to write a page and delete it. I love to press these letters even if I don’t have any idea what to write about. The feeling of inspiration striking and the gathering of your thought as you write is probably one of the best feelings ever.

I don’t know if everyone here understands that these sit down and just write post, I exclusively write for myself and if you enjoy it that is a plus, but you liking it isn’t a necessary goal of mine. I am not trying to be that entertaining or amusing. I am quite literally having a conversation with myself in written form and choose to publish it for you I miss you a littleto read if that is something you want. Of course I am pleased when people like and comment my posts, and when my words get read, don’t take it the wrong way.

I also think that this way you get quality content and you get to understand something about the way I think, it rather is an intimate thing to share. At the end of the day I am picking my own post topics and I should be the one who is proud of this text you are reading.

Today, therefore, I decided to write about being young and “stupid”, how the media and grown ups perceive the future generations. I got inspiration for this just yesterday when I remembered the word that were once said to me, not so long ago.

Well, someone older said to me and one of my friends: You young people are just rebels without a right cause, you want everything to be the way you think it should be and the other way is wrong. What was said isn’t that bad or far away from the truth when you take it out of the context, but let me show you why was this sentence said to make you understand what I am trying to talk about today.

We were discussing gender roles, feminism and homophobia with someone twice our age who is also a female (important for the rest of the text, not trying to imply anything else). These words were said after me and my friend stated how women are not payed the same, they are discriminated and have a harder time to gain the deserved respect. They  were also said on the topic of gay marriage as something that should be normal and a constitutional right.

If you have been following my work for some time you know how passionate I am about those topics. I am opinionated and vocal, but understanding in a way that I do not try to make someone understand me or what I am standing for. However I deserve and ask for some respect, and I am not going to have it any other way. Of course the “other side” does the complete opposite, this time trying to convince me that there is nothing to do there, it is how it’s been for years and how it clearly should be. That is why I am standing against every single word said in that opening sentence. That is why I am talking about this today.

That person tried to tell me to stop fighting for something I believe in, for something that so many other great people do. She told me to give up. She told me to “grow up”. But I will say this right away, if giving up on humanity,on equality and fighting for what’s good means growing up, I wish never to grow up. If it means to be smaller, to forget, to shut up and watch all of these things happening without doing anything, I am here forward promising that I won’t grow up. Never, in that way.

 

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