My Sex and the City

Every once in a while I get this insane idea to write a Carrie Bradshaw like post. Even though I am kind of a lifestyle blogger, relationships and sex were never my forte, actually, those topics were delicately avoided in my posts over last few years. Since I am starting a process of getting out of my comfort zone and trying new things for myself I thought this post could be a good first step on that road when it comes to my career in writing.

Carrie always puts her and her friend’s experiences in her posts so I am going to try to broadly do just that. We already talked about how this summer turned out to have a bit more serious note by me terminating a relationship to be in a better place of mind and we also talked about the importance of healthy selfishness when it comes to your own happiness and mental health in general. Now we are going to talk about making yourself happy in other ways.

Since I have terminated that relationship a few things happened along the way that brought me to the door of opening a new relationship fairly soon to ending of the first one. Of course, me being a crazy over-thinker and all-blames-on-me person, I got a bit puzzled by what my next move should be. I was at a huge crossroad that was problematic for numerous reasons. I knew how it would look and I didn’t want it to look like I left one person for another because I really didn’t. Also, I didn’t want to lose a chance for something that could be so good and so perfect because of a tricky timing that was only tricky because I felt like I was being promiscuous for something that just isn’t like that. What I was afraid of was that other people would think that I am cold and quite simply a bitch. And somewhere along the line of me over thinking that little voice popped into my mind.

Is this making you happy?  – An easy question isn’t it.
Yes! – Even easier answer.
Then why are you feeling guilty for wanting to be happy? Isn’t everybody’s aspiration in life to BE HAPPY?! At that point, I decided to let the moment decide for me and not to limit myself to anything. If it’s bound to happen it will! And it did. It really was a moment. A pure moment in which I thought to myself Yeah, this is it, this is right…  For what it takes, I do feel a little guilty still, but not for making the decisions that I made because I still stand by them.

On a slightly different note now. This summer is a really fast summer. A lot of things happened in a short period of time. I can see my friends trying to find themselves, exploring what life has to offer and being open to new experiences just as I am. And nothing makes me happier than that. We are truly growing up and having fun doing so, finally. Mistakes were made, but who cares really? Rules are to be broken and mistakes are to be made. We are here to find and create ourselves, and to have fun by fucking up ( something that I and my friends were reminded recently).

Nothing should be taken too seriously especially when we talk about sex and relationships in your early days. Nobody really expects you to have your life together, so you shouldn’t either. It is not a crime to enjoy yourself, however, you might want (of course if you aren’t hurting others in a way that is legally considered a crime 😆 ). And also it’s summer, what is better than being young in summer? A lot of things, but it’s still too awesome of an opportunity not to take it while you still can!

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Let’s have a chat about being selfish

Maybe you read this tittle and thought to yourself what the hell is she talking about. Or maybe a single thought hasn’t popped up in your mind, but either way you are reading my newest post in which I am mostly going to talk about myself and some changes I have been facing last few months. It really is weird seeing yourself change as it happens right in front of your eyes.

If you knew me you would know that I am always trying to help others and most of the time at my own expense. I like helping, don’t get me wrong but it takes so much energy from me that it makes sense why I am a hard introvert that needs to charge batteries by spending some quality time alone. Also, there are so many people who take advantage on me being myself and just let me do all of their work for them because they know I will. For past month or so, I started to see myself the toll this way of living put on me and slowly I began tearing from inside without anyone else noticing. What really got me was that the people closest to me didn’t notice my suggestive cry for help because they were so into their own problems which made mine invisible.

At that point I realized I had too many toxic relations with people who always seem to run short when it comes to me but I always put them before me. For my own good and for theirs I started a painful process of removing all of the toxicity and finally after so many years of my life I began walking a new path. A path led by healthy selfishness, I began pushing myself to put myself on a higher priority list if I cannot put myself first. After a short period of time I felt the difference this made in my life. I felt healthier, happier and more relaxed just by spending more time incorporating helping myself into my own life.

I don’t know if anyone will relate to this, but I never really wrote posts to be relatable did I? I wrote this to leave a piece of my soul here and to hopefully make people think or help them, so I sincerely hope you enjoyed this quick read I presented you today.

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In general

Saturday morning. 7 AM. Great storm and rain everywhere. Just as it was on that same date 18 years ago when I was born. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

The weather made a full circle in those 18 years to welcome me to something that is legally looked at as adulthood. Even though I woke up feeling just as I do every morning, tired and sleepy 😉 , nature made its best effort to remind me of this event that happens only once in your lifetime, oppose to 40th birthday which you can have multiple times 😀 !

I was blessed to be born in an amazing family that spoils me to death with both, attention and presents. I am blessed to have made wonderful friends along the way who are my strength and ultimate support. And last, but certainly not the least, I was too blessed by meeting my partner in life and crime this young and to have that kind of love this early.

No matter the circumstances that made my life hard and at some times unbearably painful I am grateful for and I appreciate everything that happened to me because those things have brought me to this moment. They brought me these people in my life and prepared me for everything that will happen next.

In past few years I have grown so much as a person. I became brave enough to live my true self and met my partner who helped me to make ease with my appearance and finally like the way I look. I earned my confidence, I learned to love and to be loved. I got calmer, my anxiety attacks are not so common anymore. I am funnier, and I have no idea how that happened.  I changed my style to meet how I am feeling inside. A lot more happened, a lot more growth, a lot more happiness.

I guess that you learn how to be happy and how to feel the happiness surrounding you as the years go by. You learn to appreciate everything that has happened and not to fear the things that are going to happen. I don’t have a magic recipe, no one does. But I know one thing, with the right people everything is easier. 

This post is a thank you to all those people who make my life easier, better, funnier, prettier. To the people who have brought me back the childlike will to live and to explore all the things this life has to offer, to be happy for what is going to happen and for what has already happened. Thank you from the bottom of my small heart, I love you! 

 

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2016!

I know this year has been particularly bad when it comes to the whole world, but I think every single person here can state at least a few little things that happened in their lives that they would like to remember as years pass by.

Here is a list my favourite things from 2016 (not in any order) :

  • I got a belly button piercing.

  • I had a great summer with a lot of going out nights.

  • I went to Zagreb to see Justin Bieber on his Purpose tour.

  • I lost about 5 kg.

  • I began wearing my hair down.

  • I celebrated a one year anniversary.

  • I traveled to more than 5 countries.

  • I am finally wearing beanies and chokers.

  • I went to so many beautiful and great restaurants.

  • I got too drunk for the first time and last!

  • I really stepped up my photography and instagram game.

  • I stopped thinking badly about my body and went to a beach after 2 years of not going.

  • I started dressing into clothing that actually shows and compliments my body. (getting more confident)

 

Now tell me one thing that it most memorable for you. In the comments! Quick  🙂

 

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About self-love

A few days ago I went on a book promotion of famous Croatian writer and sociologist, whom I won’t name. He mostly writes about self-love, love toward your family and friends and his books belong to the self-help category. In 1 hour we went through various themes, including how important it is to love yourself and to your see good features as significant ones and also why it is important to forgive or learn how to forgive. At the end of the promotion he was signing his books and my mother went up to him and told him to sign it for me. And that is when he asked her how old I was (I am 17) and when she answered him he look at her almost confused and told her that he thinks it is to early for me to read his books because they are a type of self-help books. He pretty much told her that it is too early for me to learn how to love myself and appreciate my good features equally as my bad ones. This really bothered me (and my mother also wasn’t very indifferent about it), so let me introduce myself to you and that way explain to you why exactly  it bothered me.

I am 17. I have anxiety and I have been fighting with it and panic attacks on top of that for almost 8 years now. I had a period in my life where I was depressed and had extremely bad suicidal thoughts. My confidence is pretty much non-existent and I blame myself for every little thing that happens that I know is not my fault in any way. I never loved myself or my body and I still don’t but I am trying really hard to change that.

I hope you now understand why what he said really set me off. And I also hope you agree that there is no early time to start loving yourself and learning how to value yourself as much as you deserve.

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SO GOOD BYE FOR NOW, MY FRIENDS (if anyone is even reading)